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"Zeus vs Thor" is a rap battle produced as a part of Epic Rap Battles of History. It features the mythological Greek god Zeus and the mythological Norse god Thor, with a brief line from the Norse god Loki.
Zeus was voiced by series co-creator Peter "Nice Peter" Shukoff, and Thor was performed by series co-creator Lloyd "EpicLLoyd" Ahlquist.
[Epic Rap Battles of History!
How dare you challenge my immortal throne?
I'm the father of the gods! Put your daddy on the phone!
Maybe Odin could beg me for a truce, 'cause when Zeus lets loose,
I'll put your cross-dressing neck in a noose!
I'm like Medusa: I stone a mother f*cker if he looks at me wrong!
I'm a bull getting bitches with my swan schlong!
I'm on point like Poseidon's trident!
Rhymes colder than the frosty balls of your giants!
Allow Thor to retort, you shape-shifting rapist,
And get a taste of this Scandinavian greatness
Brought forth by my raging thunderstorm force
'Cause I don't get nice. I get Norse!
Valhalla-atcha boy and we'll flyte it out,
But keep your Asgard up; I Ragnarök the house!
You tongue kiss your sister! That's grosser than a Gorgon!
I'm the thunder down under, nailing Natalie Portman!
Who would ever worship someone as abusive as Zeus is?
You're ruthless to humans! Your crew is like the clash of the douches
Ruling over the Greeks: a people weak and frightened!
I'd spit in your face, but you'd probably like it!
Only a mindless fool would knock the fathers of philosophy.
My Greeks built the bedrock of democracy!
With astronomy, they charted out the movements of my kin:
All the pimps of Mount Olympus and me the kingpin!
Let this sink in: I'm about to rain on your parade!
Itchy trigger finger quicker with the bolts than Usain!
You're history! I'll be the first to put it in writing!
MC Hammer just got struck twice by greased lightning!
Rain, old man? This is hardly a drizzle.
You couldn't give the women in my homeland the sniffles.
You can keep your astronomers. I'll sail with the conquerors
For thousands of kilometers, discovering the continents!
I'm alpha dog dominant! You can't beat me!
I will drop you like Greece's GDP!
Send you deeper underground than the depths of your Hades!
Now, make like your daddy and swallow my babies!
You think the Underworld scares the ruler of the skies?
You're joking! Loki must have written your lines!
By the time I'm finished whipping you with wits and rhymes,
You'll need a lighter for your ship 'cause a Viking just died!
Your glory days are over. The Oracle shoulda told 'ya.
I'll kick your wrinkly dick back in your toga like "Opa!"
Here, take these drachma for your eyes.
When you get to River Styx, tell your three-headed bitch I say "hi."
[Who won? Who's next? You decide!]
[Epic Rap Battles of History!]