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"The Ballad of Farquaad" is a song from the stage musical production Shrek the Musical, based on DreamWorks Animation's 2001 film Shrek. It features Lord Farquaad singing about how he will not invite his cruel father to his wedding.

The song was performed by Farquaad's actor Christopher Sieber.

Lyrics

My Daddy was a miner
So he wasn't much around.
Foraging for diamonds
A life spent underground.
Daddy didn't talk much
He barely said "Hello."
He'd simply mutter, "Heigh, ho."
And off to work he'd go
Daddy was grumpy
My Momma was a princess
Who left her crown behind
Daddy was her true love,
So Momma didn't mind.
I never knew my Momma
But she could've been a queen
She married way beneath her...
Beneath her knee, I mean
Oh, Daddy's bed was lumpy
So Mommy couldn't sleep
Daddy built a new one
So tall and so steep!
Twenty five mattresses she slept upon
One night she rolled over...
And Momma was gone
So Daddy was grumpy!
Me and my old man
A tale as old as dirt
A bitter, distant father,
In a tiny undershirt.
Daddy up and left me
Left me good as dead
Now he lives in squalor...
Sleepin' seven to a bed!
Oh, if you could only see me now,
Daddy, I'd invite you to the wedding
But you have to be this tall to get in!

My bride-to-be is gorgeous!
Her wedding dress, designer!
The guest list will be major!
Without a minor miner!
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Packs of royal lackeys
Playing violin
Strings of royal underlings
Who will not let you in
Ha, ha! Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
Tricked out carriage!
Tricked out carriage.
Twenty stallions!
Twenty stallions.
With a coachman named Raoul
With a coachman named Roul!
Big reception
Big reception
With a boy band
With a boy band
And a royal DJ by the pool!
Yes, I can see my future
And so it shall be done
It's total domination
With some torture just for fun.
'Cause I will have my wedding
And I will have a queen
And once I get that crown on,
You will get the guillotine
And I'll punish you, Daddy
'Cause I'm all grown-up
And bigger than you'll ever know!
You're gonna pay, Daddy!
It's any day, Daddy!
I'm off to work! Heigh, ho!

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