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"Romeo and Juliet vs Bonnie and Clyde" is a rap battle produced as a part of Epic Rap Battles of History. It features the romantic couple Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet from Willaim Shakespere's Romeo and Juliet against real-life gangsters Bonnie Elizabeth Parker and Clyde Chestnut Barrow.
Romeo was played by series co-creator Peter "Nice Peter" Shukoff, Juliet was played by Grace Helbig, Bonnie was played by Hannah Hart, and Clyde was played by series co-creator Lloyd "EpicLLOYD" Ahlquist.
[Epic Rap Battles of History!
Romeo and Juliet
Bonnie and Clyde!]
I'll handle this, darling. I'm known to fire off some BARs,
'Cause if these lovers cross me, they're gonna end up seeing stars!
I mean, I'll let you go first, but damn sure I'm gettin' licks in
On this hissy-fittin' rich kid and this prepubescent vixen!
I'm sick of them! Let's beat 'em then, and we can rob 'em blind!
I'll stick this punk up from the front. I'll take this broad from behind,
And pop a cap in the ass of the last Capulet heiress!
Give Miss No-Nights-in-Paris a reason to cry to her parents!
Oh! Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore you tryin' to flow, yo?
Mofo, you soft as a froyo! Are those the drapes or your clothes, bro?
There's gonna be a tragedy!
Make you ache like your balls on the balcony!
Barrow Gang put their money where their mouth is!
Spit sick like a plague on both your houses!
My love, your face is beauty to behold.
I will protect thine honor from these dust bowl dildos!
A moment's break from your gaze is an eternity past,
So together, we shall both put these b*tches on blast!
En garde, thou artless beetle-headed flax wench!
The only insult you have thrust upon me is thine stench!
Why don't you twist upon these nuts? I hear you're good with a wrench!
The dismal state of your raps should be a federal offense!
And you there, wench with the neck of a chicken,
You'll get an ass-rippin' worse than your boyfriend's in prison!
You're not a true romance. You're just a conjugal visit.
Oh, but that's not even your real husband now, is it?
Hey, partner. You best put a muzzle on your missus,
'Fore I teach her how we handle disrespect down in Texas!
Do you quarrel, sir? Ho, shall I draw my long sword?
Or will you duck your chicken-sh*t ass back into your Ford?
How could you beat my man in some mano a mano?
You can't protect your best friend from some John Leguizamo!
No, no, my Romeo will beat your beau in contest blow for blow.
He will do upon thine d*ck what you hath done upon your toe!
Oh, I am killed! What irony is this?
The lead role shot down by a failed actress…
Then I shall kill myself! On my stomach I shall lie,
So you louts can lick my ass! Thus, with a dis, I die…
Oops, never mind. My flesh was merely grazed.
Where's Romeo? Oh Nomeo! There's poison on your face!
Oh, happy dagger, pierce me true. Persuade my breath to stop!
Sheathe yourself inside my heart, and like the beat, I drop…
Well, that was tragic. That did not go as expected.
Woulda done that boy some good to just wait a couple seconds.
It's kinda sad though, really, so young, to have just died.
Well, at least we got each other. Just Bonnie, and-
[Who won? Who's next? You decide!]
[Epic Rap Battles of History!]
- The song was released as a single.