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"Rasputin vs Stalin" is a rap battle produced as a part of Epic Rap Battles of History. It features the real-life Russian mystic monk Grigori Rasputin, the real-life Georgian-born Soviet communist Joseph Stalin, the real-life Russian communist Vladimir Lenin, the real-life Russian and former Soviet politician Mikhail Gorbachev, and the real-life president of Russia Vladimir Putin.
Grigori Rasputin, Vladimir Lenin and Vladimir Putin were played by series co-creator Peter "Nice Peter" Shukoff (who is of Russian descent), while Joseph Stalin and Mikhail Gorbachev were played by series co-creator Lloyd "EpicLLoyd" Ahlquist.
[Epic Rap Battles of History!
Cool mustache, Wario
Try messing with the Mad Monk, you'll be sorry, yo!
How many dictators does it take to turn an empire into a union of ruined states?
It's a disgrace what you did to your own people!
Your daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil!
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgie, and the history books unfold ya:
As a messed up mutha f*cka bent in the mind
Who built a superpower, but he paid the price
With the endless destruction of Russian lives!
If you're the man of steel, I spit kryptonite!
Big d*ck mystic, known to hypnotize!
I could end you with a whisper to your wife.
Look into my eyes, you perverted witch!
See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!
You think I give a f*ck about my wife!
My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!
You got off easy when they pickled that moose c*ck!
I'd leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot!
Your whole family; shot! All your wizard friends; shot!
Anyone who sold you a pierogi; shot!
Starve you for days til you waste away!
I even crush motherf*ckers when I'm laid in state!
Pride of Lenin took Trotsky out of the picture.
Drop on the hammer harder than I b*tch slapped Hitler!
I have no pride for you, who ruined everything
My revolution was doing to stop the bourgeoise!
I fought the bondage of classes! The proletariat masses!
Have brought me here to spit a thesis against both of your a**es!
Let me start with you there, Frankenstein!
Looking like something out of R.L. Stine!
It's a hip-hop chowder, red over white, cause the Tsar's wife can't do sh*t tonight!
And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right-hand man,
But your loyalty shriveled up like your right-hand man!
Our whole future was bright! You let your heart grow dark,
And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
Did somebody say birthmarks?
Yo, I'm the host with the most glasnot!
A**holes made a mess and the war got cold!
Shook hands with both Ronalds: Reagan and McDonald's, no doubt!
If your name end with "in", time to get out!
I had the balls to let Baryshnikov dance, playa!
Torn down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!
You two need Yoga. You need a shower, and you all need to learn how to handle real power!
Did somebody say real power?
You want to mess with me?
I spit hot borscht when I'm crushing these beats.
Blow it up like a tuba, while I'm balling in Cuba.
Doing judo moves and schooling every communist cyka!
I'm a president in my prime. My enemies don't distract me.
The last man who attacked me lived a half-life, so comrade, come at me!
You don't know what you're doing when you try to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin!
You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!
[Who won? Who's next? You decide!]
[Epic Rap Battles of History!]
- Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, along with Baryshnikov made a cameo in "Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible".
- Felix "PewDiePie" Kjellberg makes a cameo in the video as Russian dancer/choreographer Mikhail Baryshnikov.