Mortimer Mouse

Who's the guy that you and I just love to adore?
Who's got looks and brains and brawn and talent galore?
And every time he takes a bow, they're screaming for more?
Mortimer, Mortimer, Mortimer Mouse!

[Oh, brother, who wrote these lyrics?]

[I'll give ya three guesses!]

Who is smart, successful, brilliant, handsome, and tall?
Style, grace, gorgeous face, who has it all?
Who's a blend of John and George and Ringo and Paul?
Mortimer, Mortimer, Mortimer Mouse!

[Uh oh, this isn't working.]

[We'll handle this!]

He can play Othello, Hamlet, Lear and Macbeth!
His talent knocked the critics dead!
(So did his breath.)

And what a face, why Frankenstein got scared half to death
When he saw Mortimer, Mortimer, Mortimer Mouse!

[It's working!]

[Uh huh!]

I wanna see him on a stage!
(There's one leaving at noon.)
His popularity's huge!
(Unlike his IQ.)

He never lies, cheats or steals.
(Unless nobody knows.)
His talent has no end!
(Just like his nose!)

Oh, who's the best above the rest, a genius and whiz?
Who's got the clout, without a doubt's the best in the biz?
Who's the guy who's perfect 'cause he says that he is?
Mortimer, Mortimer Mouse!

Let's give him a hand, a tip of the hat!
Let's give him a cheer, a hearty congrat!
Is he a mouse or just a big, giant rat?
He's Mortimer Mouse!
He brings down the house!
Who cares that he's obnoxious, and a jerk and a louse?
He's Mortimer, Mortimer, Mortimer, Mortimer Mouse!
We're speaking of the man he loves.