"Maison Des Lunes" is a song exclusive to the musical stage adaptation of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. It features Gaston, LeFou, and Monsieur D'Arque as they plot to throw Belle's father Maurice in the insane asylum to blackmail her into marrying Gaston.
The song was performed by Gaston's actor Burke Moses, LeFou's actor Kenny Raskin, and D'Arque's actor Gordon Stanley.
There's a danger I'll be thwarted
And denied my honeymoon
For the pretty thing I've courted
Refuses to swoon
So, the time has come for a murky plan
For which I turn to a murky man
To find that fiend
Where better than
The Maison des Lunes?
I don't take this girl for granted
There's no path I haven't hewn
To her heart; no seed unplanted
No flowers unstrewn
But quite amazing to relate
She doesn't want me for her mate
Which forces him to contemplate
The Maison des Lunes
I don't wish to seem a tad obtuse
But I don't see how I can be of use
For I lock people up; I'm not a "Lonely Heart's club"
I'm a cold, cold fish
I've a nasty, vicious streak
It's Belle's father who's your client
She adores the old buffoon
She'll be forced to be complaint
She'll dance to your tune
We get the daughter through her dad
You just pronounce the old boy mad
And, whoosh! He's slammed up in your pad--
The Maison des Lunes
Do I make myself entirely clear?
It's the simplest deal of my whole foul career!
Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments
In a dreadful state
She'll capitulate to me!
I'll be strapping up an inmate
But please don't bring him late
Our check-in time's noon!
So, wave one bachelor goodbye
She'll be my bride
She'd rather die...
Than have her daddy ossify
In my sordid saloon
So book the church; raise the glasses high
To the Maison des Lunes!
When a man like me is thwarted And denied his honeymoon
When the pretty thing he's courted Refuses to swoon
Then the time has come for a murky plan
For which he turns to a murky man
To find that fiend where better than At the Maison des Lunes?
You'll be strapping up an inmate Very tightly Very soon But we won't bring him in late Your check-in time's noon
How sad Maurice is not too well Prepare a five-star padded cell! And book him in for a long, long spell At the Maison des Lunes
Do I make myself entirely clear? It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments In a dreadful state She'll capitulate to me
Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration I could lock up a platoon We'll apply your inclination To a mad old buffon
Then wave one bachelor goodbye She'll be my bride She'd rather die... Than have her daddy ossify
The time's opportune
So book the church, raise glasses high To the Maison des Lunes! </poem>
- The song was featured in the Broadway production of the musical with slightly altered lyrics.
- The song was featured on the Broadway musical's soundtrack.