"I Really Don't Hate Christmas" is a song from the from the Phineas and Ferb episode "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!". It is sung by Heinz Doofenshmirtz, who explains to his nemesis Perry the Platypus that, although he despises all holidays, he truly doesn't hold any hatred towards Christmas.

The song is performed by Doofenshmirtz's voice actor and series co-creator Dan Povenmire.


You see Valentine's is torture
And my birthday is a mess
New Year's is a lot of noise
And Arbor Day's a pest
Halloween's a horror
But I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas

You see Flag Day is infernal
April Fool's is just a bore
Mardi Gras's a waste
Unless you own a candy store
All these other holidays
I can admit that I abhor
But I really don't hate Christmas!

Now, it isn't that I like it
At the most I feel ambivalence
But should I really just destroy it?
I'll admit that I'm still on the fence
It makes me tense!

From the evil scientists' Community
I'm sure to get ejected
But for Christmas
I can't seem to summon any true invective
Because what is there to hate?
I mean, it's really so subjective
No, I really don't hate Christmas

I hate puppy dogs and kittens
I hate flowers in the spring
Heck, I even hate the sunshine
And the birdies when they sing
I can work up animosity for almost anything
Tell me, why I don't hate Christmas?!

Though my childhood was atrocious
Christmas never was that bad, you see
So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy
What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly
I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous
I'd launch a big assault
But I really don't hate Christmas!

Oh, what the heck

No, I really...
No, I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense burning indifference!

Other Appearances

  • The song is featured on the albums Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation! and Phineas and Ferb Holiday Favorites.



  • Despite claiming to hate Mardi Gras in the song, Doofenshmirtz was previously seen enjoying the holiday in "Love At First Byte".
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