"Hampire" is a song written and performed by musical artist Todd "LilDeuceDeuce" Bryanton as a part of his "Dr. Monster" music video series. It features the Hampire dueling the Zombeef in a battle of superiority.

The song was performed by LilDeuceDeuce in every role. In the video, the character of Douglas was voiced by Eddie Bowley.


[Behold my most fearsome invention yet, The Hampire!]

I am the Hampire! Watch out on Halloween night
I am a hammier vampire then anyone from twilight
I implore you, when you hear me at your door invite me
(Not by hair on your chinny chin chin!)

I don't like garlic with my steak, in fact I don't like stakes at all
I just snack on necks for breakfast
Gonna make a withdraw
From the blood bank, "Thanks!"
Or should I say "Fangs a lot"
Trick or treat, you're the other white meat now
In case you forgot

I am the Hampire, the swine vampire
I'm the king of mastication
I'm the best bitter
I am the Hampire, the swine vampire
I'm the king of freaky creatures, there is none finer

Don't misunderstand me
I don't want you candy
All I want's your blood
Trick or trot
Smell my hooves
Give me all the blood I choose
I can't get enough

I am the Zombeef!
And I am more than you can handle
Cuz' this bovine spits more rhymes then even Dan Bull
I rock more cowbell than Christopher Walken Dead
You shoulda' ran wee wee wee home
But you keep talking instead

You act like Dr. Acula but you ain't even a resident
Evil flows through me, call me Umbrella Corp. president
I don't grase on grains
Brains remain my favorite chow
You shoulda' known better than to mess with a mad cow!

I am the Zombeef!
The bull zombie
I am the beast who eats the feast between your ears
I am the Zombeef, the bull zombie
Simply put, I am the sum of all your fears

When I'm at you residence I don't want your M&Ms
All I want's your brains
I don't say trick or treat
All I want's your skull meat
I must feed again!

Zip it, Zombeef, or I'll put you out to pasture
Let me spell it out for you
I am the true master

That is a Type-O Positively shameless
I couldn't eat your brains because your clearly brainless

That's utter bull
I preform unutterable acts in the bat of an eye
The game is up, the time is high
Its time to say goodbye

Move aside
We are the undead zombie herd
All of my cattle are ready to battle
Think you can win? That's just absurd!


Other AppearancesEdit

  • The song was released as a single.






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