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"Crasher-Vania" is a song by the online band Starbomb. It is from the point of view of Dracula and his monsters as they try to have fun, only for Simon Belmont to decide to kill them for not inviting him.


It was a dark and spooky Halloween night
When I, Dracula thought that I would invite
All of my freaky friends, who were there in a flash
To a big dance party - a Monster Mash!
Wolfman, Frankenstein, and Mummy were there
While Medusa fed some mice to the snakes in her hair
It was a groovy good time for a Vampire Bat
To fly out of his coffin and - wait, what was that?!

Never fear, Simon Belmont is here!
To destroy evil monsters, and all you hold dear!
I will end your cruel necromancing!

Actually... we were just dancing - GYAAAH!

To hell demon beast, from whence you came
You're in Castlevania, this isn't a game
Now run away, free this land of it's chains
As God is my witness, I shall see you all slain!

Later that night, we went back to my castle
Where we could dance in peace, and also never get hassled
We had fun playing Twister on my queen-sized bed
The party was smaller 'cause Wolfman was dead!
At midnight I heard the Grim Reaper say
"I brought Guitar Hero, so who wants to play?"
It was Swampman on vocals, Nosferatu on bass
Boy, you should have seen the silly funny look on his - Oh God no!

Never fear, Simon Belmont is here!
The power of Christ is infused in my spear!
I'll put an end to your horrible reign!

But we're just playing Twister!

I rip out your brain! (Agh!)
I will restore the glory of light
With my whip and the crystals, I'll take back the night!

You knocked over the chips...!

Sound the death knell!
Medusa you she-b*tch, I will see you in hell!

For the love of God, Simon, what the f*ck is your deal?!

You don't invite me to your parties. Do you know how that feels?

Are you friggin' serious? You killed all my guests! Just 'cause you felt left out?!

No!... Yes.

Well, monsters like me can still be your friend
Just stop bringing our lives to a God-awful end!
Now, since we are the only ones left alive
Let's play two-man Twister! Come on, give it a try!


Right foot green...!

Sorry! Sorry, force of habit. Well, he is dead... Looks like I have won at Twister!


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