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"Candy Store" is a song from the stage musical Heathers: The Musical. It features The Heathers forcing Veronica to dump her best friend Martha Dumptruck to prove she's fully one of them.

PerformersEdit

Character Joe's Pub Los Angeles Original Off-Broadway (A.K.A. World Premiere) Australia Original Off-West End Original West End
Heather Chandler Jenna Leigh Green Sarah Halford Jessica Keenan Wynn Lucy Maunder Jodie Steele Jodie Steele
Heather McNamara Corri English Elle McLemore Elle McLemore Erin Clare Sophie Isaacs Sophie Isaacs
Heather Duke Christine Lakin Kristolyn Lloyd Alice Lee Libby Asciak T'Shan Williams T'Shan Williams

LyricsEdit

[Are we gonna have a problem?]
[You got a bone to pick?]
[You’ve come so far]
[Why now are you pulling on my d*ck?]
[I’d normally slap your face off]
[And everyone here could watch]
[But I’m feeling nice]
[Here’s some advice]
[Listen up, biotch!]

I like!
Lookin’ hot
Buying stuff they cannot

I like!
Drinkin’ hard
Maxin’ Dad’s credit card

I like!
Skippin’ gym
Scaring her
Screwing him

I like!
Killer clothes
Kickin’ nerds in the nose!

If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack
(Woah!)

Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsche with the quarterback
(Woah! Woah! Woah!)

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
Time for you to prove
You’re not a loser anymore
Then step into my candy store

Guys fall
At your feet
Pay the check
Help you cheat

All you
Have to do
Say goodbye to Shamu

That freak’s
Not your friend
I can tell in the end

If she
Had your shot
She would leave you to rot!

‘Course if you don’t care
Fine! Go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on
(Woah!)

Or forget that creep
And get in my jeep
Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn
(Woah! Woah! Woah!)

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove
You’re not a p*ssy anymore
Then step into my candy store

You can join the team
Or you can b*tch and moan

You can live the dream
Or you can die alone

You can fly with eagles
Or if you prefer

Keep on testing me
And end up like her!

[Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he’s been thinking about me!]

[Color me stoked!]

[I’m so happy!]


Woah!
Honey, whatchu waiting fo—

[Shut up, Heather!]

Step into my candy store!


Time for you to prove
You're not a lame ass anymore!

Oooh woah! Woah oh oh!

Then step into my candy store!

It’s my candy store
It’s my candy
It’s my candy store
It’s my candy!
It’s my candy store
It's my candy store!

Other AppearancesEdit

  • The World Premiere version was featured in the album Heathers: The Musical (World Premiere Cast Recording).
  • The West End version was featured in the album Heathers the Musical (Original West End Cast Recording).
  • The song was performed on the special episode "Heathers: The Musical" from the third season of the television series Riverdale.
  • Riverdale's version was later featured in the album Riverdale: Special Episode - Heathers the Musical (Original Television Soundtrack).

GalleryEdit

ImagesEdit

VideosEdit

OfficialEdit

CoversEdit

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