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"Blackbeard vs Al Capone" is a rap battle produced as a part of Epic Rap Battles of History. It features the real-life pirate Edward "Blackbeard" Teach against real-life gangster Alphonse "Al" Capone.
Blackbeard was played by series co-creator Peter "Nice Peter" Shukoff, and Capone was played by series co-creator Lloyd "EpicLLOYD" Ahlquist.
[Epic Rap Battles of History!
I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger.
Walk under the black flag with the scallywag swagger!
Ain't no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ear.
I'm an irate pirate; real swashbuckling buccaneer!
Beef with me? Please! I'm the high seas Caesar!
My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer!
You're an obese, greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased peter
That no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers!
Don't start a war with me; you're not hardcore!
I'll pimp-slap those face scars of yours: port and starboard!
You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine
If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes!
I'm a busy man, Captain Crunch. I'll make this quick.
I'm ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did.
I had syphilis, yeah. Well, you're a huge dick
With a scurvy ridden ship filled with bilge rat pricks!
I run an intricate criminal syndicate, so show respect,
Or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved straight up your poop deck!
Slapping bitch ass teaches back since I was fourteen.
You ain't a tough guy. My kids dress up like you for Halloween!
I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies,
Then burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money!
Then maybe they find your bloated body dead and washed up on the beach.
This is Capone rapping and I'm capping this Captain. Capisce?
Arr! The Valentine's Massacre brought you condemnation,
But I'm gonna sink you faster than your income tax evasion
When I toss you overboard like a mob abomination,
So prepare to learn the Davy Jones' locker combination!
Forty cannon on the Queen Anne; your gang can't stop it!
I'll pilfer all your rum and sell it back at a profit,
'Cause I'm a criminal legend, with a bad ass name!
You're a fat thug with an STD in his brain!
C'mon, they chopped your head off and they hung it from a rope.
The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap!
I mean, that rat nest beard's trapped so many crumbs,
This bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month!
I'm the emcee assassin, slash like Edward Kenway!
Rap so hard, call me Al...dente.
Take your little sloop, John B, and go home!
Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned!
[Who won? Who's next? You decide!]
[Epic Rap Battles of History!]
- The song was released as a single.