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"A Crooked Man" is a song from the 1997 animated film Babes in Toyland. It features Barnaby as he gloats about how evil he is and discusses his plans to destroy the toy factory.

The song was performed by Barnaby's voice actor Christopher Plummer, with Randy Crenshaw, Kevin Dorsey, and Gary Falcone as his singing candles.

Lyrics

[There's nothing the matter with me. I'm not the problem, I'm never the problem. It's everyone else.]

I live in land of nincompoops
I curse them everyone
So feverishly devoted to their laughter and their fun

I never had fun or laughter and you see I turned out fine
That's why my little scheme is so divine

Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
[Ah, yes.]
There's nobody more unscrupulous then he
[Oh, thank you, so much]

We agree that he's a miserable gent
They say he's very soul is bent.

Each winter I'm filled with nausea
Imagining (ugh) the toys
Constructing threatening quantities
For screeching girls and boys

This holiday they'll discover
Only the rug beneath the tree
Because I'll destroy that blasted factory

Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
It's kinda if he's immorally eschewed
True affection tends to make him very ill
For hatred is his greatest thrill

Oh, yes I'll crush the toys to rubble
Burst their little bubble
Make this jolly land a place they want to leave

I'll fill the streets with quicksand
Santa's sleigh with bricks and
I'll have myself a merry Christmas Eve

[The clock is ticking my little factory. Your days are numbered!]

I'll rid them of every play things
Oh it thrills to my bones
No Red Rubber Balls, No Dainty Dolls, No Tiny Telephones

I did without such rubbish, why should everyone miss one
We'll live in a toyless world at last. Hoo-rah!

[Hit it, boys.]

Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
[Indescribably]
There's no point of view more venomous then his
[You're so quick to notice.]

'Tis no lie that he's a truly nasty guy
He never had a toy that's why

Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby
[Undeniably!]
There's nothing more warped than his philosophy
[Not even remotely close!]
We can plainly see why he's his only fan
[What a snotball!]
That Barnaby is a crooked man

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